15 signs you are dealing with a narcissist (2023)

Summary

A narcissist is someone suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a clinically diagnosed personality disorder characterized by grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for other people.

1.

superiority and rights

Superiority is the number 1 sign of a narcissist. That isunlike confidence alone.

The narcissist's world is good/bad, superior/inferior, and right/wrong.

There is a defined hierarchy, with the narcissist at the top, that's the only place they feel safe.

Narcissists are said to be the best, the most correct, and the most competent; do everything in his own way; own everything; and control everyone.

Interestingly, narcissists can also have this feeling of superiority for being the worst, the wrongest, or the sickest, angry, or hurt.

So they have the right to comfort and reward themselves, and even the right to hurt you or apologize for "taking the score". This is referred to as vulnerable orcovert narcissism.

Summary

Superiority is one of the main indicators that you are dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are said to be the best, the most correct, and the most competent; do everything in his own way; own everything; and control everyone.

2.

Excessive need for attention and validation.

Another core narcissistic trait is the constant need for attention, including stalking around the house, asking about things, or saying things constantly to get your attention.

Validation for a narcissist only counts when it comes from other people. Still, it doesn't count for much.

A narcissist's need for validation is like a funnel. You throw in positive and supportive words, and they just flow out the other side and be gone.

No matter how much you tell narcissists you love, admire, or approve of them, they never think it's enough because deep down they don't believe anyone can love them.

For all their self-centered and grandiose boasting, narcissists are actually very insecure and afraid they won't be able to keep up.

They are constantly trying to get praise and approval from others to bolster their fragile egos, but no matter how much they get, they always want more.

Summary

Narcissists need constant attention and validation. They are constantly trying to get praise and approval from others to bolster their fragile egos, but no matter how much they get, they always want more.

3.

perfectionism

You can recognize a narcissist by their extremely high need for everything to be perfect.

They believe that they have to be perfect, that you have to be perfect, that events have to go exactly as they expect and that life has to go exactly as they imagine.

This is a terribly impossible request that leaves the narcissist unsatisfied and miserable most of the time.

The demand for perfection leads the narcissist to complain and be constantly dissatisfied.

Summary

Narcissists believe that everything has to be perfect. This is impossible and often leaves the narcissist unsatisfied and miserable most of the time.

4.

great need for control

handlingand trying to take control of everything is archetypal narcissistic behavior.

Constantly frustrated by the imperfect way life unfolds, narcissists want to do whatever it takes to control it and shape it to their liking.

They want and demand to be in control, and their sense of entitlement makes it logical that they should be in control of everything.

Narcissists always have a story in mind about what each "character" should say and do in their interaction.

If you don't behave as expected, they become very upset and restless.

They don't know what to expect next because you're not in the script. They demand that you say and do exactly what they think to get the results you want.

You are a character in your inner game, not a real person with your own thoughts and feelings. (Becausebreak up with a narcissistcan be particularly tricky.)

Summary

Narcissists want and demand to be in control, and their sense of entitlement makes it logical that they should be in control of everything.

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5.

lack of responsibility

Lack of accountability, including finger pointing anddeviation, is an obvious sign of a narcissist.

While narcissists want to be in control, they never want to be responsible for the results unless, of course, everything goes exactly how they want it to and the desired outcome occurs.

When things don't go as planned or they feel criticized or less than perfect, the narcissist shifts all blame and responsibility onto someone else to maintain their own facade of perfection. It must be someone else's fault.

Sometimes that guilt is omnipresent: everyone wants it. More often than not, however, the narcissist blames the person who is closest to them emotionally, most connected, loyal, and loving in their life.

the victims of hisnarcissistic abuseThey are the safest people to blame because they are less likely to be abandoned or rejected.

Summary

Narcissists never want to be held accountable unless things are going well. They often shift all the blame and responsibility onto someone else in order to maintain their own facade of perfection.

6.

lack of boundaries

many people lacklimitsor regularly crossing other people's boundaries, but among narcissists this is status quo behavior.

Narcissists can't see exactly where you stop and where you start. They look very much like two year olds.

They believe that they own everything, that everyone thinks and feels the same as they do, and that everyone wants the same things as they do.

They are shocked and highly offended to hear a no. When a narcissist wants something from you, they will do anything to figure out how to get it through persistence, flattery, demands, rejection, or sulking. These are all common narcissistic behaviors.

Summary

Narcissists believe that they own everything and that everyone thinks and feels the same way they do. When they want something from you, they will do anything to figure out how to get it.

7.

Lack of empathy

Narcissists have very little ability to empathize with others; This lack of empathy is a hallmark of narcissism.

Narcissists tend to be selfish and egocentric, and are often unable to understand what others are feeling.

They expect others to think and feel the same way they do and rarely think about how others feel. They rarely apologize, feel sorry, or blamed.

Some narcissists also lack an understanding of the nature of feelings. They don't understand how their feelings are generated.

They think their feelings are caused by someone or something outside of them.

They don't realize that their feelings are caused by their own biochemistry, thoughts, and interpretations.

In short, narcissists always think you are causing their feelings, especially the negative ones.

They conclude that you are to blame for not following their plan or for making them feel vulnerable.

This lack of empathy creates a real emotional connection andrelationships with narcissistsdifficult or impossible, where are you with one or have you been?created by a narcissist. You just don't know what other people are feeling.

Summary

Narcissists have very little ability to empathize with others and often have no understanding of the nature of feelings.

8.

Perceive everything as a threat.

Although narcissists are highly attuned to perceived threats, anger, and rejection from others, narcissists often misinterpret subtle facial expressions and are typically biased towards interpreting facial expressions as negative.

If you don't express your feelings dramatically, the narcissist won't accurately perceive what you're feeling.

Even saying "I'm sorry" or "I love you" when the narcissist is nervous and angry can backfire. They won't believe you and may even take your comment as an attack.

If their words and expressions don't match, the narcissist is likely giving the wrong answer orbecome defensive.

Because of this, narcissists often misinterpret sarcasm as a real thing, or teasing others as a personal attack.

The lack of ability to do soread body language, a common narcissistic trait, is one reason narcissists are less than empathetic to their feelings.

They don't see them, don't interpret them correctly, and generally don't think you feel any different than they do.

Summary

The inability to read body language properly is a common narcissistic trait. They often misinterpret subtle facial expressions and tend to interpret them as negative.

9.

emotional thinking

You probably made the mistake of trying to reason with the narcissist and use logic to help them understand the painful effect their behavior is having on you.

You think they will change once they understand how much their behavior hurts you.

However, his explanations make no sense to the narcissist who only appears to be able to be aware of his own thoughts and feelings. While narcissists may say they get it, they honestly don't.

Therefore, narcissists make most of their decisions based on how they feel about something.

You just have to own this red sports car based on how you feel, how you drive it, not whether it suits your family or budget.

When they are bored or depressed, they want to move or end their relationship or start a new business.

They are always looking for something or someone outside of themselves to solve their feelings and needs.

They expect you to agree with their "solutions" and get irritated and angry when you don't.

Summary

Narcissists make most of their decisions based on how they think about something. They are always looking for something or someone outside of themselves to solve their feelings and needs.

10

Divisor

The narcissist's personality is divided into good and bad parts, and they also divide everything in their relationships into good and bad.

Every negative thought or behavior is attributed to you or others, while they attribute everything positive and good.

They deny your negative words and actions and constantly accuse you of disapproval.

They also remember things as completely good and wonderful or bad and terrible. You cannot mix these two constructions.

Some examples of a narcissist's divisive behavior in action: Marty labeled every vacation ruined and the worst because the hotel room wasn't up to his expectations and the weather wasn't perfect.

Bob was accused for 20 years for not being there when his wife had their first child despite being stuck in a snow storm in Chicago.

Alice's husband dismissed her concerns about the $30,000 cost of the new landscaping because he loved her.

Narcissists cannot see, feel, or remember the positives or negatives of a situation. You can only deal with one perspective at a time: yours.

Summary

A narcissist's personality is divided into good and bad parts. Every negative thought or behavior is attributed to you or others, while they attribute everything positive and good.

11

Fear of rejection and ridicule.

The narcissist's entire life is motivated and energized by fear.

As a narcissistic sign, you wouldn't choose this at first because most narcissists' fears are deeply buried and repressed.

They are constantly afraid of being ridiculed, rejected or treated unfairly. They may fear germs, lose all their money, be attacked emotionally or physically, be viewed as bad or inappropriate, or be abandoned.

This makes it difficult, and sometimes impossible, for the narcissist to trust another person. In fact, the closer your relationship is, the less they will trust you.

narcissistsFear of real intimacyor vulnerability because they are afraid you will see their imperfections and judge or reject them.

No amount of security seems to make a difference because narcissists deeply hate and resent their own shameful imperfections.

Narcissists never seem to develop trust in the love of others and are constantly testing you with worse and worse behaviors to try and find your breaking point.

Her overwhelming fear of being "discovered" or abandoned never seems to go away.

Summary

Narcissists are constantly afraid of being ridiculed, rejected, or wronged, and often have trouble trusting other people.

12

Angst

Angstit's a vague and persistent feeling that something bad is happening or about to happen.

Some narcissists show their fear by constantly talking about impending death, while others hide and repress it.

But most narcissists project their fear onto their loved ones, blaming them for being negative, unsupportive, mentally ill, not putting them first, not listening to their needs, or being selfish.

All of this serves to project fear onto a loved one in an attempt not to feel it.

As you feel worse and worse, the narcissist feels better and better. In fact, as you feel your anxiety and depression increasing, you will feel stronger and more superior.

Summary

Most narcissists project their fear onto their loved ones, accusing them of being negative or insensitive. As you feel worse, the narcissist feels better.

13

deeply suppressed shame

Narcissists don't feel very guilty because they think they're always right and don't believe their behavior really affects other people. But they are very embarrassed.

Shame is believing that there is something deeply and permanently wrong or bad about you.

Buried within a deeply repressed part of the narcissist are all the insecurities, fears, and rejected traits that they constantly want to hide from everyone, including themselves.

The narcissist is very ashamed of all these rejected thoughts and feelings.

Hiding your vulnerabilities is essential to the narcissist's fake self-esteem or false self.

Ultimately, however, this makes it impossible for them to be completely real and transparent.

Summary

Narcissists harbor a lot of shame and often bury their insecurities, fears, and rejected traits that they are constantly on guard to hide from everyone, including themselves.

14

An inability to be truly vulnerable.

Because of their inability to understand feelings, their lack of empathy, and their constant need for self-protection, narcissists are unable to truly love or connect emotionally with other people.

You can't see the world from someone else's perspective. This makes her emotionally needy.

When a relationship is no longer fulfilling, they usually move on or start a new one as soon as possible.

They desperately want someone to feel their pain, sympathize with them, and do whatever they want.

it is a waycodependency, except that they are barely able to respond to your pain or fear, or even your daily need for attention and compassion.

Summary

Because of their inability to understand feelings, their lack of empathy, and their constant need for self-protection, narcissists are unable to truly love or connect emotionally with other people.

15.

Inability to communicate or work as part of a team.

Caring and cooperative behavior requires a genuine understanding of the feelings of others.

How will the other person feel? Will this action make us both happy? How will this affect our relationship? These are questions that narcissists lack the ability or motivation to think about.

Don't expect the narcissist to understand your feelings, give in, or give up anything you want for your own benefit. It's useless.

Summary

Narcissists lack the ability or motivation to think about other people's feelings.

RELATED:8 signs you are dealing with a vulnerable narcissist

There are manyTypes of Narcissists, but these are some qualities they all have in common.

Please note that this article is intended to describe general signs that you are dealing with a narcissist and is not intended to treat or diagnose anyone.